Bigotry in a parking lot

Last night on KCET was a showing of "South Pacific", live from Lincoln Center. Aside from being a terrific show, this was especially significant because I actually know--or rather, knew--one of the cast members. Eric Anderson and I sang and performed together way back when my mom ran her children's chorale, and now there he is, mugging it up as...Stew Pot? Two Pots? Not sure, have to watch more closely...but wow, what an amazing thing, to see someone I grew up with, living out his dream on Broadway. He's so, so good.

So that's why I tuned in (and why it's recorded on my DVR), and I still haven't watched the whole thing, just bits and pieces. But I saw enough to remind myself of some of the subject matter, and to be surprised all over again at the honest portrayal of racism, particularly coming from that era...it just always takes me by surprise, and makes me wonder how shocking and provocative that was when it first opened, because I guess I have this notion that it just wasn't talked about, or at least certainly wasn't present in mainstream culture. Clearly, a mistaken assumption, at least to some extent.

So the song that stuck in my head was "You've Got to Be Carefully Taught"...it just kept spinning around and around in my brain as I was getting ready for bed, and I was idly musing about my grandparents, particularly my deceased grandfather, the opera singer, the musical theater man, the pretty darn bigoted guy, and wondering...did he ever sing that song? What did that mean to him? Did he know he was a bigot? Did it make him challenge that mindset, or was that just the way it was? I'll never know.

But then I suddenly remembered a disturbing incident I'd witnessed that very day--how it slipped my mind, I have no clue. I had pulled into an Albertson's parking lot with the kids--not a store I usually go to, but I was looking for something particular. As I parked, I noticed a group of three people--two men and a woman--in the next aisle, talking together next to an SUV. I don't even know why I took note, except that the woman had her head covered, and that drew my eye, and so I guess I made an automatic judgment of "Muslim", even though, head covering aside, nothing about her or either of her companions shouted any particular kind of thing other than "regular person". It looked like one man was showing the other two a piece of paper that seemed to have a picture on it, and the look on the woman's face was attentive and inquisitive. The other man wore sunglasses, so I couldn't read his expression.

The kids and I were getting ready to get out of the car, and as I opened my door I heard a raised voice, and glanced up to see the paper-bearing gentleman gesticulating and sounding angry, although I couldn't hear the words. I sat for a moment, wondering what was going on, as the woman's companion made some comment, finger raised--my take was censure of some sort. Here the angry man got even louder, shook his paper, and yelled, "I'm not the one who cut this woman's nose off, and put her picture on Time magazine!" He started to walk away, and then turned to deliver one last zinger: "There is only one Islam, and it's EVIL!" Then he turned and stalked into the store.

I sat there staring after him, holding my children back, wondering if I wanted to even go into the same store that this man had entered, to expose them to that level of hatred, and belatedly wanting to see if the other couple were all right, but they had already gotten in their car and driven away. I was awash with so many emotions: alarm, confusion, embarrassment for the way this man represented...I don't know what...America? Christians? White people? I don't know who he thought he was representing, I just didn't want it to be me.

And I could not stop thinking about how that whole exchange might have occurred, even though I had very little data to put together a hypothesis. But why was he carrying that picture? Why was he so prepared for a confrontation? Did he leave the house intending to find one? Was it some sort of evangelical campaign, to show Muslims the error of their faith? Or was he targeting Muslim Americans, holding individuals accountable for the actions of Muslims around the world? I'm certain that he thought he was on the right side...and maybe his intentions weren't all that misplaced, maybe he is truly moved to horror by the plight of women in the Muslim world, a position I applaud...but his methods...

And here was an uncomfortable thought...how did he know what faith that couple held, unless he, like me, made a snap judgment based on the woman's head cloth? What did that mean about me? And even the fact that I wanted to go apologize to those people, did that mean that I felt I was automatically in the crazy man's camp, abhorrent as I found him, and needed to apologize for my compatriot's actions, which meant that those people were...other? Or maybe I just wanted to distance myself from him, to say to them, "we're not all like that", except that that's still an "us & them" statement, isn't it? How do I escape that? How do I keep from passing that to my children?

And now here's that song again, "You've got to be taught to hate and fear" going round and round my head...

Weird how events can converge, sometimes.